Oola: My Journey of Self-Discovery and Balance – June 18: Dream Big

We all have dreams. Sometimes we admit what they are and tell everyone. Sometimes we keep them secret just in case they don’t work out so well. Sometimes, though, we aren’t sure exactly what our dreams are. We know that we have them, but we can’t quite articulate them or separate them from each other.

The latter is where I find myself. I have huge dreams and aspirations, but when I sat down to actually think about what I really want to accomplish in the next year, I was slapped in the face with a truth I hadn’t wanted to confront. You see, my dream for the next year is to like myself for who I am, but in order to do that, I have to get to know myself better.

All of my other dreams will be empty if I don’t like myself. Believing in myself is how I will accomplish my other dreams and goals in life. When you like yourself, you stop looking for excuses not to do things that scare you. When you believe in yourself and your abilities, obstacles become a learning tool rather than a roadblock. When you know who you are, you know what you want, and you go after it.

So, what are the things I want? What are my goals and aspirations?

I want to improve my dance, not winning competitions because winning is subjective and really just an added bonus. I want to be the kind of dance partner that people enjoy dancing with because I am confident enough in my abilities to make any lead feel like the best lead on the floor. The more I believe in myself, the better I’ll get because I will take the time to practice and drill like I should to work from ridiculous to cool.

I want to grow my business and be my own boss. In order to do that, I have to be the person I would want to work for and with. We’ve all had those bosses at one time or another who made us cringe when we saw them because they were always negative and unwilling to listen. You can picture them now can’t you? We have also had the boss that we would follow to the moon and back because we knew that they cared about the staff. That’s who I want to be! The difference? I’m the boss and the employee. I need to know that I care about myself and my goals in such a way that my customers and my team members know that I also care about them.

I want to travel more and be confident enough to travel on my own. Sure, a road trip or adventure is more fun with people, but if I can’t stand my own company, how can I expect anyone else to tolerate me? The answer – I can’t. So, I need to be a person I can be alone with in silence. I need to be comfortable with my own thoughts and not frightened that insecurities will creep into my head space. Silent moments should feel more like a soft, warm blanket on a cool, clear night full of stars and gentle breezes not standing at the top of the dark basement stairs while the soundtrack plays increasingly suspenseful music and the audience covers their eyes. I want to enjoy my adventure not miss out because I was afraid.

I want to love fearlessly. I know that sounds cheesy and cliche, but I’ve been hurt so many times in the past that I have started to close myself off from people, not just potential love interests but all people. In case you are unaware, cutting yourself off from all the people in your life is not healthy. So, I need to recognize that yes, sometimes people will hurt me. While that is not okay, it is a chance I should be willing to take because I cannot hold current and future relationships responsible for the hurt of the past. I have to love myself enough to know that I am not my past and to understand that I don’t need someone else to complete me. I want someone to complement me.

Self-esteem and self-care are the most important parts of any goal I choose going forward. I have to like myself enough to remember that mistakes and set backs will happen, but I just need to pick myself up, give myself a pep talk, and keep going. Every. Single. Time. I have to be open-minded enough to let me get to know who I am and become the person I know I can be.

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