Oola: My Journey of Self-Discovery and Balance – June 16: Anger

I am not perfect, no one is. I am not an expert. This is just me as I make this transformative journey toward balance and peace in my life.

We are told that being angry is not a good thing. From advertisements to self-help readings, we are told that we should be happy. However, as any parent who has seen Disney’s Inside Out can tell you, sometimes anger is a good thing.

Where we run into trouble with anger is when we hold it. We are afraid of how people will react to us when we express our anger, so we hold it close and nurture it and talk to it and take it on walks and feed it until it begins to consume and poison us. When anger controls us, we are no longer in control.

So, what can we do? Personally, I am learning how to calmly express my angry, hurt feelings in way that others might understand. When others understand why I am angry, they might be able to help fix the problem. Maybe it was something they did but were unaware of. If I don’t say anything, they will never know and continue to hurt me which only makes me more angry until I explode or walk away from what has become a damaged relationship. Holding the anger turns me into a toxic person, and I definitely don’t want to be that person.

I have to make sure that I discuss my feelings calmly, take a breathe or a beat to help gather my thoughts. If I am hysterical, no one will be able to understand me, but if I never say anything, nothing will ever change. I have to do my best to identify exactly why I am angry. Is it because of a wrong done to me or because of a wrong choice I made? Am I angry with others, or am I anger with myself? Once the source is identified, I can move forward, but here is the hard part – I have to be honest with myself about why I am angry. Only when I am honest, can my anger work for me.

Anger motivates us into action when an injustice has occurred, and, when handled properly, can lead to change. Do you think any of the Civil Rights battles would have happened if someone had not been angry enough to say, “This stops now.”?

Anger can also motivate us to be better than we are. Angry about the grade you received? Study more or put more effort toward seeking help. Angry about not being as fit as you want to be? Then make the change that needs to happen whether it is diet or exercise or a form of meditation. Use your anger to motivate you to make the changes you seek within yourself and your community.

However, don’t let anger poison you, and don’t let it hold you back. Make sure you are angry for the right reasons and in the right direction. Don’t let your anger alter your perception and defeat your purpose.

 

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